i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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