Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
