hotel room ftw
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
