its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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