Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
