Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
