Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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