her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
