I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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