did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
