mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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