if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
