btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
