you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
