the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
