i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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