It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
