Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
