I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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