don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So much rum. So many feels.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
