she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
