My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can I color on your dick again?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Someone came in the potted fern
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
