I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
