I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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