the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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