Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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