i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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