it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
