Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your penis caused this!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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