Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
