you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
accomplished twins. life is a go
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
