Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
