I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
