i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
