It's just like the Real World with babies
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
