Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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