VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
