My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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