I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
