he wants to bone in the snuggie
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
