Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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