I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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