He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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