____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
