i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
