Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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