Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
