Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

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(678): View more from Georgia

His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.

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(831): View more from California

No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick

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(813): View more from Florida

Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.

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(757): View more from Virginia

also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV

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(415): View more from California

Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms

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(281): View more from Texas

Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.

(713): View more from Texas

As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly

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