Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
