i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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