Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
