Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
