so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
