We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
