i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
