She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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