Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
