Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
