I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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