Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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