He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
