One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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