should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Houston, we have a blender
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
