We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I could make wine with my vomit
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
