i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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