Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
