dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
