Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
