Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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