So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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