p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
