Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
