R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
