Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
