I bet he comes in French.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
