an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dignity is for republicans.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
