Quick, to the slutcave!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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